Improve Your Telephone Technique...

© 2002 Harlan L. Jacobsen

Relationships
Affected by Telephone Usage

What you learn here is most important to your relationships and can make a big difference.

Revising your telephone dating methods can make the difference between maintaining or relationships ending.

Could your telephone romance be improved?

Your "telephone" is an important dating tool you should use.

Your publisher has had five years experience operating a telephone answering service with five operators.

He has conducted classes for personnel of other firms that handle important calls, and for other firms' switchboard operators.

A relatively unknown positive answering and telephone technique developed by a Memphis psychologist, was taught, and In this article we adapt some of this to your telephone relations and techniques with the opposite sex.
Working fifteen months with a publishing company - at least six hours a day on long distance - has convinced the author that much can be accomplished in cementing and building relationships in a very short amount of time on the phone if you know and use a few simple rules and this can be readily applied to developing and maintaining relationships.

Are you a sensation with the opposite sex in person, but when they talk to you on the phone, they lose all of their enthusiasm about you?

Does everything seem to go down the drain with your phone relationships, or attempted relationships?
Then maybe you do not function well on the phone because no one has ever taught you what good telephone technique is.

First of all, how do you sound? If you have a cassette or other recorder and if you have never heard yourself in a phone conversation, run down to Radio Shack or some such and pick up for a very nominal sum an attachment for recording off the phone.

(No wires need be connected to the phone - only a suction cup.) Next time you have a conversation with the opposite sex on the phone, tape the entire conversation and just have your normal telephone conversation under the usual circumstances [note: check your local laws about recording such a conversation].
You will want to play it back and then save it.

Two weeks from now, after you have consciously worked on improving your telephone attractiveness, or persuasion, or telephone magnetism (or whatever handle you want to put on it), make another tape and compare.
Just playing yourself back the first time, you will find some startling things you were unaware of, and maybe nothing I say here will make you shape up your telephone technique as much as hearing yourself.

ARE YOU A TELEPHONE LEMON?

It is not entirely what you say; It is how you say it.

Do you always sound grumpy on the phone, or not enthusiastic, like a real drudge?

Like someone is standing on your foot and life really isn't worth living?

if you sound like this on the phone, maybe this is one reason your romances never develop, and seem to be going nowhere.

You are a great person, but you project as a real lemon on the phone.

Okay, so let's talk about it .

Have you ever called a large, competent company (not the phone company), and the employee answering, by just saying, "Hello; Miss Jones, may I help you?" or something similar, sounds so pleasant and like such a nice person you could easily fall In love with her?
Actually, she just got a run In her panty hose and ruined another pair; the boss just complained about something that wasn't her fault; her relief operator Is 20 minutes late relieving her for lunch; but she still sounded great.
How did she do it, or what did she do in one simple sentence that gave you such a good impression of her and her company?

One of the answers I discovered while visiting an answering service In Billings, Montana, of all places.

This answering service had the lion's share of the business in town and customers of the service regarded them very highly.
In fact,
you could say their customers were down right enthusiastic and loyal.

So, I decided this was a good place to learn

what it was this answering service was doing so right to be so successful.
What I learned can be of great help in improving other people's impression of you on or off the phone, If you can learn to adapt it and use It without thinking about It; make It part of your make-up or part of your trademark.

For two days I sat at their switchboards and listened to all the different shifts handle calls.

In all of the dozens of answering services I had visited around the country, I had never heard such bad technique and actual bad handling of calls.
This Montana answering service, I decided, had hired the biggest bunch of dummies this side of Edger Snerd. They did everything wrong and there wasn't a one of them I wouldn't have fired after one hour in my answering service.
Yet, here was a lousy service that everyone was happy with; why?
After two days it finally hit me, and then it took another half day to figure it out.

They just sounded so darn good and sounded like such wonderful people, sounded so competent, they said and did everything wrong and it still came out roses.

They just frankly sounded so good they got away with everything.

Now what did they do to sound so good and could they tell me what it was?

The lady who owned the service trained the other women by working the board during the busy day shift and even she didn't know what it was, but after working with her, I noticed every women who had been there over a week had picked it up.
So simple, you won't believe It.

THE VOICE WITH THE SMILE At the end of a sentence or phrase, they raised their voice.

That's it. They raised their voice. Okay, you don't believe this makes a difference?
I bet you can't even do it the first time out. Say "hell..o" and go up about five notes (that is quite a bit up) when you get to the 'o."
You should have detected the difference in impression each created.

Actually, that exercise was too easy; let's try another.

Say "Smith, Anderson and Jones, good morning." Go down with your voice about one note on "Jones" and another one when you get to the "ing" on good morning.
That will make you sound like you hardly had the energy to make it all the way through.
Now try it with "Smith, Anderson and Jones, good morning" with a raise in your voice of about three notes on "Jones" and go up one more on the scale with the "ing" of good morning.

Now if you tried that out loud, you should know what I am talking about.

MAYBE YOU DO NOT FUNCTION WELL ON THE PHONE BECAUSE NO ONE HAS EVER TAUGHT YOU WHAT GOOD TELEPHONE TECHNIQUE IS.

Have you ever heard of the voice with a smile? Okay, you don't think you can project a smile over the phone?

Frankly, I have never been able to make this raise on the end of the sentence an unconscious part of my telephone or other conversation, but I could and did teach it to operators quite easily by telling them to smile at the end of the sentence and you will raise it automatically.
Soon you should learn to raise your voice at the end of phrases, sentences, etc. (that's what puts the smile In your voice) without actually smiling physically, as such.

There is actually more to It than this oversimplification. We are not going to go Into any drills or methods of making this part of your phone technique (and in person it really helps convey you as an enthusiastic person).

Our space is too limited here. You are now aware of that little item and you can work on that on your own.

MATCH THEIR SPEED

Again, we do not have space here to take up all the little tricks of sounding like a very competent, interesting, and interested, enthusiastic person on the phone.

Just one more thing (before going on to the "what you say") . . . and that is speed of delivery.
Do you talk at a fast clip? Or slow and deliberate?
Do you talk at the same speed to everyone?
Well, don't.

If the person at the other end clips along at 150 words per minute and you are talking at 50 words per, you are going to seem like a very slow, dull person to them, no matter what ingenious things you are saying.

On the other hand, if they talk to you at 50 words per and you are going along at 150, they are probably only getting about a third of what you are saying, and figure to themselves, boy, this one is a real chatterbox.

So you use feedback and adjust your speed of delivery to that of the person on the other end as nearly as possible.
Are you beginning to get some ideas as to why it is that some people just don't mesh on the phone? Actually, they can if you just adjust yourself to compensate for all these little differences in people.
WHAT YOU SAY
Some people come across as a negative personality or give you a wet blanket reaction a great deal of the time.
- What do they say that irritates you when they were trying so hard to be nice and it comes out the other way? Negativism.
- A kid comes running in and says, "Mama, I want some cookies."
- Now if Mama says,
  "No, you can't have any cookies," then junior Is going to be upset for a while at least, pout, whine, throw a tantrum or keep pestering her 'til one or the other blows up.
Now that was a negative statement and generated a negative reaction, If Mama had said,
- "How about an apple or a peanut butter sandwich?" then junior would not have been upset particularly even if he decided that he really didn't want an apple or a peanut butter sandwich.
- He at least was not put down, so to speak.
So next time someone calls up who you're really eager to go out with, and asks for a date Friday night, don't say,
- "Oh, I'm terribly sorry, I already have a date Friday night.
- So they say, "Well, how about next Wednesday, then?" and you say,
- "Gee . . . I am sorry but I have a class Wednesday night." They will probably mumble something, ring off, likely never call you back because they figure they've been put down, too, so to speak.
Now If you had said, "I am free Saturday night; would that do as well?" or something along this line, they would probably accept it much better.
- Even If they don't want to make It Saturday, at least they're still happy with the conversation with you and even though nothing worked out this time, they will most certainly call you again. They know you are interested and this was just poor timing.
HOW TO SAY "NO THANKS"
Now, if you're frankly not interested in going out with the person, why give them all the run around by saying you are busy this night or have a date that night, or on and on when they call you having someone keep telling them you are not In.
- That's your method of letting them down easily but it irritates people and wastes everybody's time and it certainly is not making you any too proud of yourself either.
Let's take a positive approach on the phone to this problem. Say something like this:
- "George, I think you are a nice guy [or say something nice about him] but I have been thinking it over and I am sure we are just not right for each other [or our chemistry isn't right]
- I don't want to waste my time or yours by going out with you, but I would very much like to have you as a friend. Okay?
- " Now how can you answer that, other than all right?
- You didn't offer him what he asked for (a date), but you did offer him what you could (friendship).
- He hangs up knowing you thought well of him and chances are he might make a pretty good friend.
- In breaking off a relationship, you can use the same technique with a positive statement. Say, "George, I have decided that our relationship Is not going anywhere nor will it go anywhere, so it is best that I stop dating you, but I would like to keep you as my friend, okay?"
In both cases, of course, you put the emphasis on the word "friend" at the end of the sentence.
- The response to this will be good and everybody leaves the relationship with a good feeling.
- You can face him the next time you meet him and be genuinely glad to see him because your conscience will not bother you for you have not treated him badly and he will be glad to see you too, both of you knowing you are still friends.
TELL THEM WHAT YOU CAN DO

The secret of the positive statement is that you say what you do have or what you can do, not what you cannot.
- Instead of saying, "John, I don't know if I can go out with you Friday or not. I have got this or that, etc., etc.", say, "I certainly would like to go out with you Friday night but I won't know for sure if I can until Friday noon.
- Shall I call you then and let you know?" John knows he Is not being shot down and will wait to hear the good news Friday. Learn to use positive statements and questions that Include something that requires a positive response.
- It is, of course, good Salesmanship to use a series of positive response questions, such as
- "Do you like to dance, Sharon?" "Did you enjoy dancing with me last Friday?"
- "Would you enjoy going to the New Moon Dance with me next Friday?"
- She will, of course, answer in the affirmative to the first two, and will find it almost impossible to not answer in the affirmative on the last.
One of the tricks of the trade of being successful on the telephone is learning to control the conversation. There Is a difference between monopolizing a conversation and controlling a conversation.
- A good way to control the conversation and keep it from getting out of hand and winding up somewhere you do not want to be is to make an affirmative statement and wind it up with a question requiring the kind of answer you want.
- After they have responded to that, you, of course, retain control of the conversation and go from there repeating the process of statement and question until you have accomplished the purpose of your call.
After that you can afford to lose control of the conversation if you have the time to stay on the phone.
- If you should get in a situation where you have lost control of the conversation and you need control of the call, then you can say, "Hold on a minute. I have to let the cat out",
- or something, and return and resume control of the conversation.
- Again, of course, this all sounds a little unnecessary, but if you want to be effective on the phone, one of the things you have to learn is to be able to control the conversation, even though you may only do 10% of the talking.
- Keep the conversation on an up note and be sure it has a beginning and an end. Don't just run out of something to say.
Telephone courtesy normally is that if you made the call, you are the one who terminates the conversation, If you're stuck on the other end of a conversation that is getting too long and going nowhere, you can usually tactfully end it by saying, "Well, I'll let you go then," or "Okay then," etc.
- Some people, of course, are lonely and like to talk and it is your responsibility to Indicate in some way whether you have time or the inclination to stay on the phone for very long.
- To succeed on the phone, remember: The voice with the smile is always welcome and accomplishes what words alone can not.
- Always respond with what you have or what you can or will do, not what you won't.
- Ask questions that require affirmative answers.
- Control the conversation to accomplish the purpose of the call.
Keep the length of the call brief (keep them wanting more of you)unless you get an okay feedback request for a longer conversation.
Lessons on How to Improve relationships with your
telephone make a difference

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